Decisions .......

The last week in school has been hard work to say the least. Boy Wonder made it very clear that he didn't want to be there and made it very difficult for me to leave him, averaging half an hour of negotiations each day just to stop him running out of the door.

Although Boy Wonder managed a full week without exclusion, it was by the skin of his teeth. There were many a challenge faced with refusal, defiance and aggression and although these are clearly surface level descriptions of the real anxiety difficulties , this appeared to be the mindset of the exhausted support circle.

Collecting from school became equally as complicated as it became impossible to make a quick exit due to Boy Wonder running wild, without shoes around the classroom and even the school. Classroom semi trashed, items thrown and tables used as a race track were some of the displays of manic behaviour, resulting in meltdown each time. After an hour of leaving school however, Boy Wonder calmed and regained composure.

To say that I feel physically exhausted would be an understatement. Just getting to and from school each day proved to be a strenuous workout. Cat Girl, however became more and more emotional due to witnessing the torment that Boy Wonder was going through and his outbursts of anger. We had a good talk about why Boy Wonder is like he is and that nothing he says or does is personal. The bear hugs are the biggest problem as he is a very strong little boy and although he is doing it for sensory feedback rather than anger, being squeezed within an inch of your life is not pleasant!

On Thursday Boy Wonder had his follow up appointment with the Consultant. He has put on 4kg in a month and grown 1cm. As he is also sleeping better, eating well and is generally more settled at home without the anger explosions, she decided that the positives of being off of the medication at present outweighed the negatives.   Therefore no medication has been added and he is being reviewed again in the New Year. We are in full agreement with this as school aside, he is coping remarkably well with strategies alone.

We had a visit to a school with an autism unit on Friday morning which was initially just a 'going through the motions' exercise as there is no space. However, the Head certainly knew his stuff, the resource area was just what he needs and it is as inclusive or as segregated as it needs to be for the child. There are also children at the school who Boy Wonder knows through his drama group so a ready made friendship circle. Although there is still no space, Boy Wonder could access the school through mainstream provision and make full use of the facilities. A strong contender!

In the afternoon we had a lengthly meeting at school to discuss the Multi Element Plan which unpicks 'behaviour' and reactions to the school day. Although we have not previously seen eye to eye with the ed psych, he did talk a lot of sense and did a very good job of identifying the triggers and hot spots. Obviously it wasn't anything that we hadn't already identified but for once the words were spoken by the local authority and we just nodded in agreement.  The meeting concluded with a decision to remove all pressure from Boy Wonder and opt for a1:1 out of the classroom approach to try and build bridges and improve his negative thoughts about the school day. We left them to discuss the finer points of this, the main one being space to do it.

We collected the children from school and had a fairly settled exit and evening. The last day before the holidays effect should be bottled!

Birthday Boy!

Last Friday after school brought Boy Wonder's go karting party. He and eight friends took to the track at an indoor karting centre. The staff were excellent and removed the lap times and positions screen so that they could just have fun without the upset and pressure of competition. Boy Wonder really struggles with this and combined with two other children with ASD the emphasis needed to be firmly on fun rather than meltdown!

A friend made a wonderful Minecraft cake for Boy Wonder and they had pizza for party food. All in all they all seemed to have great fun and it was nice to see Boy Wonder have a positive experience with his friends.

Saturday was the big day and this started at 6.45am when Boy Wonder opened his eyes. After his shower and changing into his football kit ( early match) he came into our room for present opening. Cat Girl bought him a beautiful carved wooden dolphin which he loved. He also had some Lionel Messi football boots, a season ticket for his favourite football club, biking gear and games for his XBox. He seemed very happy and once everything was open he had breakfast and bounded off to football with Superman, insisting on wearing his new boots.

After lunch Boy Wonder went to dance and then on to watch his favourite team play football with Superman. Cat Girl and I went shopping and prepared the buffet for family who were visiting at tea time.

Everyone started to arrive early evening as Boy Wonder and Superman returned from football. We were a little unsure how he would cope but all in all he held it together fairly well. Lots eaten and lots of playing before we said goodnight to everyone.

Sunday was a chill day in comparison. After Cat Girl's horse riding lesson we visited a friend to give her a birthday gift and then went to Supergran and Biker Gramps new house ( as they moved over the weekend.) Boy Wonder was very tetchy and complaining of the smell of  paint which was quite faint now. To finish the weekend we met Boy Genius and family at a play centre for a couple of hours of energy release. The play centre was fairly quiet so didn't present with any real problems which was nice.

We arrived home about tea time and settled down to eat and watch tv.   Boy Wonder started to get quite upset and saying that he didn't want to go to school and that he hated it. We provided lots of reassurance and distraction which eventually proved to settle him and get him to sleep.

Fighting fire with fire!

Last weekend was a busy event, with football, dance and meeting friends in the park on the Saturday and a more relaxed day on Sunday to prepare for Monday back at school. This was hindered somewhat by Boy Wonder and Boy Genius falling out on the Saturday and Boy Wonder totally losing control in the park, car park , throwing stones, putting himself to the floor and once in the car, kicking about with great force. This lasted throughout the evening until he finally fell to sleep quite late on. Sunday morning was spent negotiating a truce between the two boys and Boy Genius taking the lead in apologising by text, to which Boy Wonder reciprocated.

We arrived at school a little late on Monday due to high anxiety. Once there however, it was like nothing had happened and that I would just leave. This didn't fill me with confidence so I asked to speak with the Head. I was asked to wait but whilst doing so the behaviour lady that I spoke with last week arrived. We spoke about how things had been and I told her about Boy Wonder disclosing that he was shouted at when he was bad and told that he deserved to cry. I explained that these were Boy Wonder's words and that he could have misinterpreted things, however if this was what he was hearing it would have a negative impact. We both spoke to the Head and she agreed to look into what Boy Wonder had raised. We also spoke about physical intervention should it be required only to be told that if a child left school they would inform parents and police but not stop them physically. Oh dear! I was told to write a letter of consent to restrain Boy Wonder if required but this doesn't sit well as the training isn't there for the people working with him to do it safely. I guess this is a weighing up of risk decision,

Boy Wonder managed a full week at school albeit a very stressful, anxiety rising one. As the week wore on it became more and more difficult to settle him in, taking half an hour on Thursday before he would physically let go of me. Lots of tummy aches, chewing and shirt shredding alongside crying and general unsettled mood. Parents evening basically described  keeping him in school and settled was the aim, school work being practically non existent.

More meetings are planned for next week with the Consultant and the local authority to decide the MEP ( multi element plan.) Hopefully we will see some movement, however after more calls this week the statement has still not been released.

Escalation

The school week has been a cocktail of events, none of which included any learning except maybe for a growing appreciation for the level of complexity surrounding Boy Wonder. Many a phone call has been made to try and rush the statement through ( when I say rush it has already been two weeks since the finalisation meeting.) After much discussion the statement has been finalised at 15 hrs plus OT provision which is not nearly enough given that he is currently soaking up full 1:1 hours. However, finalising means that the post can be advertised and then emergency funds can be applied for through a Multi Element Plan to top it up. The MEP is the next step up from an IEP and it provides external behavioural management and risk assessment support.

I met with a lady who had been drafted in to provide support for Boy Wonder and the school and we discussed his history and complexity at length. She stated that her observations of which there had been many over the last ten days were that he wasn't coping and the current provision is not suitable to meet his needs. Hallelujah!! Our OT had also come away with the same conclusion although she had been saying this for the past year along with us, but was now expressing concerns over health and safety not just learning needs.

Following the exclusion on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were fairly settled except for the battle of getting him through the door. He spent these days away from his class and predominantly on his own with a TA. On Thursday morning the battle to get through the gates was harder still with Boy Wonder voicing that he hated school. We got to the class room where we discovered a supply teacher that he hadn't met before who was Asian. Boy Wonder became highly excitable and voiced loudly that she was Asian over and over. I took him into the room next door to calm him whilst Cat Girl went to find some help.  Help arrived, Boy Wonder was told that if he continued to be racist I would be notified. I took a deep breath and then asked him if he knew what 'racist' meant. 'No,' he said with a blank expression. I explained it and also explained that Boy Wonder hadn't been told about there being a different teacher and he was merely commenting on what she looked liked albeit not in an appropriate way.

And then came the almighty crash. A phone call at 3.10pm notifying us of an incident where Boy Wonder had verbally abused his teacher and physically assaulted the TA. We were called in for a meeting, joined by the lady that was supporting Boy Wonder and the school as she was with me at the time of the call. The incident resulted in a fixed term exclusion for one day and the understanding that the risk management needs escalating somewhat.

After the meeting Superman took Cat Girl to Ju Jitsu and I took Boy Wonder home. We spoke about the difficulties during the day and about how he behaved. He understood that his behaviour wasn't acceptable but said that he couldn't help it as he was so angry. I asked him what made him angry and he very clearly stated that his teacher and TA were stopping him from learning by not letting him in the classroom. He couldn't learn when sat in the corridor or in a different classroom as his teacher wasn't there. I explained that he was disruptive in class which was why he is taken out and be said that he knew he was bad but it was too noisy and busy in there. He finished off by saying how much he hated school.

Thursday evening was spent eating like he has never done before ( like he had been starved, which of course he hadn't but he obviously used a lot of energy.) and drinking a lot of cordial.

Friday was spent at home doing project work with a clearly planned timetable to include breaks! Boy Wonder had a fairly settled day, not getting up until 10am. Biker Gramps sat with him for a bit whilst I caught up on some stuff. He had him exercising and practising his piano. Grandparents brought over a massage chair to help Boy Wonder and my hands as I was massaging him for over an hour last night! Many more phone calls and notifications of escalation in procedure and a meeting on Monday morning to discuss the way forward.

High Risk

Sincere apologies for the lack of 'blog.' It has been a turbulent eight days in a lot of ways. Last week concluded with a grande finale where the behaviour scale hit a 10. Superman picked up Boy Wonder quite literally that day and removed him from school. Boy Wonder has taken to bolting out of the place he is in, into his classroom and running around it at high speed. A game of cat and mouse then ensues before he is either caught or he runs out again. He has also escalated this to bolting out of the school main door. Eeek! He is now wearing an 'Alert me' band!

In comparison the weekend was reasonable. Saturday was spent at football where they won again, dance which was non eventful and then onto a super car afternoon. I had bought a high speed passenger lap package for Boy Wonder and a supercar drive for Superman last Christmas and we hadn't got around to booking them until now. Boy Wonder chose a Ferrai and Superman an Aerial Atom. They signed up and Superman was given the insurance spiel. BoyWonder became quite upset that his Daddy was refusing insurance and set to work telling him that he must have it as it is very likely that he will crash. In the end Superman gave into the pressure and bought the insurance, much to Boy Wonder's relief. The super car team asked if Boy Wonder would like to come and work with them as he seemed very well informed about super car safety. That would certainly bump up their insurance sales! Boy Wonder went in the Ferrari for four speed laps reaching 155mph. He came away absolutely buzzing from the experience. He seemed to know an awful lot about the car when he had finished so probably interrogated the driver at high speed! Superman drove the Atom which looked nothing more than a kitted up go kart. It was very fast and he got a score of 87/100 for good control which is apparently very good for that car. He was impressed and wanted it writing on his certificate!

We went on to Pizza Hut for tea which went well until it suddenly became busy. Boy Wonder then retreated to the floor in the corner of the restaurant, behind our table. He put his headphones in and stayed there. The pizzas came out and he rejoined us at the table, his ability to cope quickly deteriorating. We quickened the pace, did the dutiful ice cream machine and whilst Cat Girl finished off, I took Boy Wonder outside to calm. The table next to us with the well behaved child appeared quite bewildered by Boy Wonder's oddity, although I was hoping that even they could see that a child  rocking, hiding in corners and bolting at every given opportunity was a little more than just 'bad' behaviour.

On Sunday we went to an autism friendly viewing of Dolphin Tale 2 as Boy Wonder loves dolphins. It was a good job we did this as he would have been thrown out of a standard viewing! He loved the film and talked about all of the facts about dolphins that he knew ( which are many!) whilst rocking, jumping about, climbing and random bear hug grabs at Cat Girl. He did become quite distressed with a girl who was shouting during the performance. She appeared to have little verbal communication so what she verbalised made no sense to him. We spoke about it after and he said that he thought she was stupid for being so noisy. I asked him what others thought about his behaviour and he was unable to make the connection at all, even when I spelt it out. One for another time I think.

In the evening we went to the local theatre where Boy Wonder goes,  to watch 'A Night at the Musicals.'  He was able to sit through this with plenty of snacks and his friend with him. They both sang along and danced all the way through which gave him an energy outlet, Cat Girl fell to sleep in the second half.

Over the weekend we did some work on behaviours and exploring ideas of what Boy Wonder can do instead of things that he is doing now. We sat together and he engaged for about 25 minutes with some well thought out input. We spoke again about the cinema experience and agreed that he would take the work to school to show his TA. 

The school week started badly with an escalation in anxiety induced behaviour. So much so
 that on Monday, Boy Wonder was excluded from school for being uncontrollable. It was a temporary exclusion from 1.20pm until the following morning. Superman picked him up as he was closer than me but when he got there he said that he had to physically prise him off of a TA who had put herself between him and another child. There had also been another exit from the school by Boy Wonder. He is now catagorised as high risk.